CHECK-IN: Are you holding your marriage back by not making itâand sexâa priority? What could your life look like if you put more energy and attention into your spouse?
When Deep-Seated Problems Arenât Being Addressed
Nevertheless, letâs not be quick to assume that a spouse withholding sex is always doing so for selfish or sinful reasons. Sexual abuse and subsequent trauma are widespread, and if this is your spouseâs story, they need your grace and patience. You have an opportunity to be Jesusâs hands and feet in your spouseâs healing journey. Do not take that role lightly.
Rachael Denhollander became a household name after her brilliant and impassioned victim impact statement at the trial of Larry Nassar, who sexually abused hundreds of young girls and women. Rachael was the first to publicly come forward, and she was the face of the fight. In her autobiography, What Is a Girl Worth?, she recounts the night she disclosed to her then boyfriend (now husband), Jacob, the abuse she had experienced. Here is Jacobâs response:
âYou need to know this does not diminish your value. This doesnât make me think less of you. . . . All this does is give me direction for how to best serve and care for you. Honestly . . .â He laughed just a bit. âIâve been wondering this whole time what I could possibly bring to the relationship. You are intelligent, kind, accomplished; thereâs nothing I could add to that. But walking alongside you is something I can do. If God keeps leading us together, I can walk with you through this.â He paused one more time. âAnd that would be a privilege.â4
If you are a spouse who is struggling with sexual trauma, please know that many have found healing. As Denhollander told us herself, âWorking through the abuse together can be a long road, but it is a beautiful, redemptive road. Eventually, associations will be reshaped into the positive memories and experiences, and a safe, secure, tender spouse can bring a depth of healing that seems beyond possible.â
Take advantage of the opportunities God has given us through licensed trauma counselors, pelvic floor physiotherapists, and a myriad of other mental health and medical professionals. This is a journey, and sometimes a long one, but take heart that it can be a âbeautiful, redemptive road.â
But what if a spouseâs hesitation toward sex isnât due to trauma but sexual dysfunction issues? Not wanting sex when youâre dealing with sexual dysfunction is a perfectly understandable and normal response. But whatever the sexual dysfunction, if it impedes libido and makes sex difficult or impossible, it is incumbent upon that spouse to seek and follow medical treatments. All three of us writing this book have been treated for sexual pain at one time or another, so we are not telling you to do anything we have not done ourselves. Dilators, internal massages, perineal stretches, the worksâitâs not fun, but it gets the job done.
Our survey also found that male sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, makes a marriage 4.
Название: The Great Sex Rescue
Автор: Sheila Wray Gregoire
Язык: English
Издательство: Baker Publishing Group
Жанр: sex
Год выхода: 2021
Формат: pdf
Страниц: 197
Размер: 10 mb
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